Saga of The Urban Achievers
The story of the Urban Achievers is very complex. There are a lot of inns, lot of outs, lots of what have you´s. So consider yourself warned, this here story I am about to unfold, is enough to put strands in anyone’s head.
The Urban Achievers sprung out of the earlier version of Copenhagen Softball Club consisting of a men’s team, the Penguins, and a women’s team, the Barracudas.
The previous club was very vaginal. The chairman was a real reactionary. The girls were calling the shots on the board, threatening castration and making the female form uncomfortable to the dudes.
Being national champions, the women considered the men’s team a bunch of fucking amateurs, which, by the way, is pretty much spot on.
The girls got sick and tired of carrying the heaviest load on behalf of a bunch of bums, who for the most part could not even manage to slip the rent under the door. Thus they decided to dump our sorry asses and merge into another club (we will not degrade ourselves by mentioning their name here). There was an unspoken message there, and it was "fuck you; leave us the fuck alone!"
Darkness washed over the dudes – darker than a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom. It was a fucking travesty; the god dammed plane had crashed into the mountain! How could we continue to play the sport we know and love with no one to take care of the business papers? We were out of our element - like children, wandering into the middle of a movie wanting to know what happened.
At this, for the dudes, the darkest of times, an angry voice broke the bewildered silence. It cried out to high heaven “I did not watch my friends slide face down in the mud to have some strumpets walk away with my club!”
Encouraged and hopeful, the dudes looked up; it seemed we were going to fight. But how? We are pacifists, conscientious objectors…
Finally it was decided that we were ethically obliged to fight for our club. It was the right thing to do, whatever the cost. That kind of unchecked aggression could not stand. In this case, pacifism was not something to hide behind.
Given the nature of all this new shit, the dudes had to regroup to do some thinking. For an entire day they did not work, did not drive, did not handle money or turn on the oven. We all knew who was at fault here, but how do you deal with it?
At last it dawned on us; the solution was simple, and nothing was fucked! There would be no more living in the fucking past.
So upon that realization, the dudes decided to draw a line in the sand and self-apply the name...
It was a day of mixed emotions. We had our freedom, but three years of beautiful tradition went down the drain with our decision. The chairman and the girls were irrevocably gone, which was a sad thing, because even though it was a real bummer to suffer their fascist ways, we will miss our special ladies, free spirited as they are, and always will be.
Alas, we made it clear that we didn't need their sympathy, we needed our Johnsons!
We all knew we could be entering a world of pain. Only time will tell if we will be able to go out and achieve anyway!
Well. I guess we can close the file on Part One. You might have found the story ludicrous; but then, there's a lot about the Urban Achievers that don't make a whole lot of sense; but that’s not the issue here!
LET´S TAKE THAT HILL!
Like most divorces, ours was not a happy one. The club had some clams, and we needed it to pay that Kraut down at the league office.
Unfortunately our money was being held by our overthrown chairman. We knew that it had been his homework and that he was not about to give it up. He insisted on splitting hairs. Yet, despite the efforts of this real reactionary to pee on our rug, we managed to recover some of our money in time to register our team for the 2011 season.
So with the business papers in order, we went and got us a makeshift field down at Kløvermarken as our own sandlot sanctuary for this season. No longer do we have to travel to the square community for home games. We are now ready for the 2011 tournament.
We play our home-opener against Bulls on May 17 -- and they should be pushovers. Hell, with the team we got lined up for this year, the rest of the league is dead in the water. We're gonna have a few beers, a few burgers, some laughs. Our fucking troubles are over!
And that's the Urban Achievers…from Copenhagen. A group of bums who owe money all over town, including to known microbrew bars, and that's cool...that's cool. But sometimes there are some men. Sometimes, I don't want to say "heroes" (because what's a "hero"?) but sometimes there is a group of men, and I'm talking about the Achievers here. Sometimes there are some men...and, ah hell…I done introduced ‘em enough.
Anyway, we'll continue takin' it easy until the next league game. The Dudes abide. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowing we're out there. The Dudes. Takin' it easy for all those sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope we make it to the finals.
Well, that about does her. Wraps her all up. Things seemed to have worked out pretty good for the Urban Achievers. And it was a pretty good story, don’t you think? Made me laugh to beat the band. Parts of it, anyway.
Hope you folks enjoy yourselves this season. I know we will.
Mind if we do a J?