07/24/11

Heartbreak in Whoresholm


This was it. Crunch time. The Achievers were about to teach a softball lesson and a life lesson to the damn jankees - and at their home field too. The last-minute abduction of our special lady friends would not go unheeded.

The only trouble was that the jankees knew that the day of reckoning was at hand, and in their clever way had enlisted the aid of no less than three national team players. The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Unworthy fuckin' adversaries.

But what really rattled the Achievers was their opponent's rostering a friendly female founding member of the Barracudas…

WHAT IS THIS BULL SHIT! Adding emotional injury to insult by fielding OUR OWN women against us? Needless to say that this aggression could not stand. But as it turned out, this unexpected ringer made the difference in the game; but more on this to come.

3 Fingers was given the ball, and was expressing his concerns about the assignment, but the Dudermench himself once again showed off his immense leadership abilities and delivered an inspirational speech worthy of mention.

Really, 3F, you surprise me. They're not gonna hit shit, they're not gonna do shit. What can they do? They're a bunch of fuckin' amateurs, and meanwhile, look at the bottom line: Who's got right on their side, and who are a bunch of nihilists? Am I wrong?”

And the speech looked like it did the trick. For the first inning or two, 3 Fingers held the jankee offense at bay, while the Achiever bats could not be silenced. In the first inning the Achievers batted around, and in the second four more runs was tagged on. By the second inning the score was 9-3 Achievers, with seven hits to our credit!

But this was where the devilish plan of the jankees came into action. They had somehow discovered a weakness in 3-fingers. The female form makes him uncomfortable, and when he saw Nanna in the batter’s box he lost his cool, and with his cool went the strike zone.

From that point on the jankees stood and watched the pitches go by. There were no hits and hardly any swings or attempts to make things happen. Thus was their cowardly approach on this wet and smelly day. Sad to say, it worked. By the end of the 5th inning they crept out to a 12-9 lead. The outlook was grim after a few unlucky breaks and questionable calls on the base paths, but we went out and achieved anyway.

The Achievers pounded out 3 runs to tie the game, including big Hank's third RBI single of the day, and a long sac fly from the reawakened seamonster Lukwata, who was only a decent bat away from getting the home run. The game was again tied, 12-12.

Then heartbreak struck. The jankees finally got some good contact, and scored 6 runs in the bottom of the 6th to take a commanding lead. A nasty collision between D'mench and Tucci in the swamps of sadness in shallow center field resulted in a concussion (and a run scored).

But then the Achievers got three more runs in the 7th and once again batted around! Sadly, however, it was not enough, and the three-hour, 18-15 game finally came to an end.

It was encouraging to see our newest rookie Bo, take a walk on his very first at bat, and afterwards swipe two bags. Dudermench scored 4 runs, Big Hank had 3 RBI singles and a walk, and chairman Feebles crushed a 2 RBI triple.

After the game it was decided that the second game was postponed until we face off at Clover Field, so that our double header at the Sandlot is now a triple one. We encourage our fans to be there as the games and the celebration will be epic.

Hell, you can't keep 'em on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus!