Gone Fishin'

It's been a sad and soggy stretch for your beloved Achievers as of late...


Ever since the second game against Whoresholm was rained-out, we've had a series of consecutive cancellations to make any self-respecting softball player lose his/her mind.

If it hadn't been for our precious Sandlot drowning under pools of acid rain, we would've played a legendary triple-header. The shitstorm didn't stop there, as our re-scheduled match against Stoneless on Tuesday was also rained-out. To make matters even worse, Cockadale had to cancel yesterday due to a lack of players. Throw in a couple postponed umpire duties and a no-show, and you're looking at one of the worst stretches of bad luck in Copenhagen Softball history.

Like Homer Simpson at the all-you-can-eat fish buffet, the Achievers can't get enough softball...ever! In fact, we're starved!


Waiter: That man ate all our shrimp! And two plastic lobsters!
Captain McAllister: 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eatin' machine!

 

We were so desperate to play yesterday that after Cockadale called to cancel, we turned right around and called Whoresholm -- offering to play two games on their field (one as home team, one as visitors). And although it seemed possible for them to field a team, they would've been without several core players; and so declined. Not willing to give up yet, Feebles then figured we'd throw another bag of pearls to Stoneless and let them host the make-up game they owe us at our Sandlot. For whatever reason, they also declined.

 

Lionel Hutz: All-you-can-eat!?!? This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Neverending Story.
Homer: So, do you think I have a case?
Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I don't use the word 'hero' lightly, but you are the greatest hero in American history.
Homer: Woohoo!


Finally, in the late hours of the night, we tried to get Amager's 1st division team to host an exhibition re-match. But it was too late. Our desperate hunger to play had become truly pathetic.

 

Lionel Hutz: Now, Mrs. Simpson, tell the court in your own words what happened after you and your husband were ejected out of the restaurant.
Marge: Well, we pretty much went straight home.
Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, remember that you are under oath.
Marge: We drove around until three in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn't find one?
Marge: [crying] We... went... fishing.

 

We went fishing and didn't catch shit. Or perhaps it now seems like the whole league is gone fishing, except for your dear Achievers. Dammit, we only ask to play softball till our bellies are full! Let's hope the forces of nature intervene and reward us with an Indian summer in September.

 

This aggression will not stand!